It’s been awhile since I wrote a blog. These last few months have been interesting for me. After relentlessly working on this brand for the first half of the year, I hit a road block. It wasn’t necessarily because I ran out of steam or got burn out. It just seemed that I suddenly didn’t feel connected to the “why” I was doing what I was doing. Instead of being excited to create new topics and share my work, it started feeling forced. For any artist or creator, you might relate to this feeling of discouragement when your ideas feel forced instead of having a natural flow.
This ambition of wanting to create value and impact began to become a chore. Why am I doing this? Is this worth my time, my effort, my energy? Is anyone actually gaining anything from my insight? Do I even have the creditability to share my thoughts, let alone feel confident when someones reads them? The answers to my questions were shifting from yes’s… to no’s. I’m not looking for validation from anyone to keep going, rather just sharing this time in my life and why I chose to disconnect. Disconnect to reconnect.
I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out where I want to spend my energy. While I was holding myself to strong obligations of trying to write one blog every week to just keep pushing out content, it’s very time consuming and mentally draining. Why should I put out bullshit blog posts just to build a portfolio, while at the same time reducing the confidence in myself that I’m not bringing consistent value to my potential readers? Perhaps I’m too hard on myself, but that’s when I knew I had to take a step back.
When I started trying to observe what was worth my attention, I surprised myself of the things I unintentionally forgot about. Like, I didn’t even realize I had forgotten to post on the @becausegirls_ Instagram for an entire month. Who does that? Can you imagine forgetting for a whole month that you hadn’t posted to Instagram? Maybe if you’re not trying to be on social media, sure. But I had been really trying improve our following. I couldn’t believe I had totally shifted my attention elsewhere and literally forgot about the account.
Coming to the realization I had been that disconnected, and became so disconnected so easily – I knew with my heart and soul that it wasn’t worth my energy. I wasn’t soulfully invested to the success of the brand. And that realization really fuckin’ sucked. Now what? I tried to embody the brand, grow the brand, invest in the brand – and all of a sudden I try to shift focus and completely forget all the progress that I made, if any? It really makes you question your intention. That can be a scary thing.
What I chose to shift to my attention to was, myself. When I realized BecauseGirls wasn’t apart of my own focus, I knew I couldn’t progress the brand – at least not alone. BecauseGirls has had quite the journey. Starting out as a basic t-shirt brand, to turning into basic girl graphic tees with a subpar blog written by me, with a declining social media presence – the feeling of failure sets in. Because all of a sudden you realize it’s a one-woman show and no one else notices that the content flow stopped.
It’s in those moments you realize no one else is cheering you on. No one else is pushing you to succeed. No one else cares whether there’s a new blog post, a new social media post, or a new product being released. You are your own cheerleader. If there’s not a fire in your own heart to keep going, no one is going to throw more wood on your fire to help it burn. This was only one of the lessons I learned while taking a break from trying to grow a brand. You must carry your own discipline, your own motivation, and your own intention in what you are doing. If it’s not there, go back to the drawing board – disconnect to reconnect.
We’re in a time where being selfish shouldn’t be a negative thing. It is necessary. Being selfish isn’t the fact that you don’t care about others. It can be the act of having the intention and thoughtfulness to reconnect with your internal fire. If in those moments of selfishness, you can refocus your energy to help get back on track of how to serve yourself healthy and pure reasons of your actions. You can learn how to help serve others better. Or in my case, better serve myself. Like the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
When you’re focusing on something you’re not truly connected to, it drains your energy even faster. It becomes an internal battle of knowing you’re not serving yourself. It becomes an internal battle of holding back your true potential. Gut instincts and intuition are feelings that no one else understands but you. But those feelings are so pure that you know when you’re going against them. It’s completely draining. I’ve come to try and learn these signals to be able to differentiate between burn out, or that what I’m spending my energy on truly isn’t serving my purpose.
In these times, is the chance for growth. It’s the chance to start to learn more about yourself, what you desire, what you want, love, and need more of in your life. Being restless or dissatisfied with the current circumstances isn’t a bad thing. It’s the signal that things need to change – to listen to your intuition, listen your soul’s little voice saying hey, wake up and get after what you really want. Or it’s saying hey, don’t waste your energy on something that isn’t serving you, deeply. Disconnect to reconnect. Everything will still be there when you’re ready for it. At least that’s what I believe.
When you begin to have that level of respect for yourself, to really connect with your internal fire, your souls intuition, and the care you need to have for your own energy – it is then, when you can truly start to shine from the inside out. It is then, when things stop feeling so forced and fake. Protect your energy, enforce your own accountability to yourself, and don’t be ashamed to put yourself first.